Jokes??

[shaaz]

I remember reading a thread with tons of jokes... was looking through the net for a few but can't seem to find good ones around, so that being said.. ANYONE out there wanna share a few here.. need to perk the day up man...

[TripleM]

Ok first joke for u...

1. To find a woman, u need Time and Money so
WOMAN = TIME * MONEY

2. Time is Money, so
TIME = MONEY

3. Therefore
WOMAN = MONEY * MONEY
WOMAN = (MONEY) to the power 2

4. Money is the root of all problems so
MONEY = SQUARE RT OF PROBLEMS

5. ThereforE
WOMAN = (SQ RT PROBLEMS) to the power2

SQRT Cancels out with the Power 2 and the result is

WOMAN = PROBLEMS

Harvard Math (A+)

[shaaz]

woohoo... power .. hahahahhaa. good one pak .

[TripleM]

No jokes => Your thread fails miserably ..............

[rodders]

Originally Posted by TripleM

No jokes => Your thread fails miserably ..............

Muahahahahahaha.....
That itself is a joke.

[kenntona]

Did you hear about this court case? This case proves conclusively why lawyers should never, ever ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer:

In a trial, a small lawyer called his first witness to the stand - a grand motherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Lim, do you know me?"

She responded, "Yes I do know you Mr. Lek. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Lim do you know the defense lawyer?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Andy Sim since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a gambling problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire country. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense lawyer almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said: "If either of you bastids asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."

[totoseow]

watcha gonna do???

>
> 1. You Gotta Use The Right Tools For The Job
>
> An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his
> bed, "Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya
> 45 automatic pistol, so you
>
> will always remember me."
>
> "But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your
> Rolex watch instead."
>
> "You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you
> goina have a beautiful
>
> wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple od bambino, some
> day you goina come hom
>
> and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man. Whata you gonna do
> then? Pointa to you watch and say, "TIMES UP"?"
>

[kenntona]

A hat-seller by the name of Yendor who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side.A few hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats were gone.

He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats. Yendor sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down. While thinking he started to scratch his head.

The next moment, the monkeys were doing the same. Next, he took down his own hat, the monkeys did exactly the same.

An idea came to him, he took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too. So he finally managed to get all his hats back.

Fifty years later, his grandson, Rodney, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. It was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor.

He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the tree. He remembered his grand father's words, started scratching his head and the monkeys followed.

He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea, Rodney threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the
hats.

Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and said...

"You think only you have a grandfather?"

[kenntona]

Dan goes on a trip to Bangkok. A week after arriving back home, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, hearing immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

Dan returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it." The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc." The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis."

Dan screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion." The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice."

The next day, Dan seeks out Ash, another doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. Ash examines his penis and proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongorian VD. Velly lare disease." Dan says to Ash : "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? The other doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis."

Ash shakes his head and laughs: "Stupid docta, arways want to cut, cut, cut. Make more money, that way. No need to operate!"

"Oh, Thank God!", Dan replies.

"Yes," says Ash, "You no wolly, save money. You wait two weeks. Penis fall off by itself!"

[TripleM]

Good ones.............